live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air. - ralph waldo emerson

having holden has made me think a lot about the type of life that i want for him. i really want him to be able to experience life.  i want him to be able to be a boy, to spend his days outside, to get dirty, to climb trees, be an explorer and an adventurer, to get creative and have the space to do all of this.

sometimes i dream about living on a farm, waking up each dawn to the sun rising in the sky, stepping out into the morning mist as my shoes catch the fresh dew, holden's tiny hand in mine, his feet moving twice as fast just to keep up with my stride, as we meet and feed all of our animals, holden living a slower life, one that's far removed from the hustle and bustle of a busy city...but then i'm not sure i could handle the slower pace of a farm life.

sometimes i dream about moving to another country (australia, new zealand, or denmark are at the top my list) even just if it's just for a year, taking a break from our normal lives and assimilating ourselves into another culture, holden becoming a multicultural, multilingual little boy...but then i realize i love california and i'm not sure i can take holden away from the friends and family that love him here.

sometimes i dream about living in the country, in a town that you could drive through within a total of 2 minutes, a blink of the eye and you will have missed it in a house with a vegetable garden out back and rolling hills of green all around (my grandparents house in pleasant point, new zealand comes to mind), a place where holden can be a real boy, where holden can be wild and free...but then i'm not sure i could live without the convenience of a big city and all of the child classes that holden attends.

sometimes i want to pack up our suitcases, jump on a plane, and just go, becoming modern day explorers, a nomadic family traversing the globe in search of adventure, holden learning more about the world by experiencing it himself...but then i'm not sure if we could leave home for so long.

so what will we choose?