after five days of traveling i am ready to have holden all to myself.  while i love showing him off and sharing him with our friends and family who adore him, i miss the quiet hours that we spend just him and i.  busy days that are spent half-heartedly playing with him while running errands, finishing chores, lunching with friends, shopping, and essentially focusing on myself, result in a powerful yearning for more time with him at the end of the day.  as i'm putting him to bed, savoring that special alone time as i rock him to sleep and he snuggles into my neck, i don't feel ready to lay him down for the night. i feel as though i have missed out on something, missed out on a day in his life.  even though i have been with him the entire day, i haven't been present enough to feel as though i am with him.  i know it sounds a little crazy (and maybe just a little overbearing), but i just love this child so incredibly much, overwhelmingly so, and as time whizzes by right before my eyes, i want to experience and revel in this time with him knowing that each day he is growing up just a little more and that it is going by fast. very fast.