this week has been a traumatic one and despite the fact that holden has made a full recovery, i am still reeling from what happened, replaying the event over and over in my head.  i can't seem to shake the terror of thinking that i was going to lose my baby.  breath holding is an involuntary reflex that some children experience where they hold their breath for an extended period of time when they become upset, frustrated, frightened, or in pain.  although completely harmless to the child, it is terrifying for parents.  i think it goes against human nature to watch your baby stop breathing, turn blue and be okay with it.  holden has had breath holding spells in the past, but for some reason this one was more severe and resulted in a seizure.  we are planning to speak with a neurologist to get some more information and do a few tests to ensure it is just breath holding spells.  but according to the ER doctor, our pediatrician, and a neurologist that spoke with our pediatrician, holden is healthy and there's nothing to worry about.  so i'll take this week as a reminder to never take anything for granted, particularly our health, and spend the weekend enjoying this amazing little family of mine.

making the decision to have a child is momentous.  it is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body - elizabeth stone