Sakura Bloom Sling Diaries :: Transformation

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Photos by Chrissy Powers Photography

I knew the second it happened. It was the moment I had been waiting for my entire life, but had consistently escaped me regardless of how hard I chased it; the moment I became me.

The days, weeks, and 9 months leading up to that moment consisted of a slow and steady transformation of my body. It was a gradual metamorphosis that I was prepared for, but that instantaneous transformation was what took me by complete surprise.

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A cry shattered the silence that had suddenly engulfed the room just moments prior. As time seemed to stand still, I felt myself look down on this moment from above as everything played out in slow motion in front of me.  The doctor at the foot of the bed with arms outstretched, the look on my husband's face and the glaring whiteness of his knuckles as his hand grasped mine, the feeling of my body tightening and tensing uncontrollably as if it had a mind of its own. And then his tiny, wet body was placed into my arms and time began again...yet this time everything was drastically different. 

In that exact moment I suddenly became everything I was always supposed to be, their mother.

I was finally here and I was me. 

Because by them entering my life, I have truly found myself.

I no longer worried about what people thought of me. I no longer felt the need to do things that I didn't want to do just to please other people. I no longer felt like I was searching for my purpose in life. I was me and I was completely satisfied with that because I was everything that they needed me to be.

There's a sense of calm, a sense of confidence, and a sense of pure, unadulterated happiness that comes in knowing exactly who you are. It's in my two boys that I found my best self and now that I've found it, I'm going to hold on to it for dear life.